Guest Post: "And Then There Were Two" by Megan

With only days left to go before our own little baby arrives, I've been seeking out my mama friends whose lives have recently changed from "Life with One" to "Life with Two."  For some parents, having the first baby is magical and life is a little bumpy but mostly you are just wrapped up in the world of your new little family.  You have no idea what you are doing, but you might convince yourself you do.  And then baby number two is on its way before you know it.  And you think to yourself.  I got this.  I've done this before.  And then you totally don't.  Because these little creatures are so different.  They come with their own little personalities and quirks that make them so distinct from each other. And then sometimes... you are thrown a curve-ball. 

As part of a short "guest post" series, here is a post from my dear childhood friend, Megan, a sensitive mother whose intuition I deeply respect, who just gave birth to her second little girl this past October.  Megan and I seem to have parallel lives--our birthdays are merely a week apart, we got married within a month of each other, got around dog at the same time, bought our first homes the same year, and our first babies were only two months apart.  Now, she has had her second, just as I am nearing the delivery of ours.  AND we have lived a whole continent apart!  Uncanny, much? 

Megan has graciously agreed to write a little guest post for me on "Life with Two" and does so with open frankness about her journey into the beginning of mamahood for the second time:  

“When my husband and I welcomed our second child into our family, I felt like I had things relatively under control.  Our first little girl, Abigail, was and is a lovely little person with a tender heart, very smart and very verbal.   When we knew we had a second girl on the way I had high hopes of the girls being friends, especially since they are only 18 months apart, and, besides, I knew what to do with a girl.  

Elanor made a grand entrance to the world, arriving after a short but extremely intense labour.  Though I was a physical and emotional wreck, I was strangely confident.  The first two weeks were deceptively calm.  Abby was an excellent big sister right from the start.  She never stopped being her happy little self, giving her sister hugs and kisses and asking to hold Ellie whenever she was sitting down.  Ellie ate well, slept well and was a very content little creature.  Everything changed on the 15^th day when Ellie started to cry.  As the crying continued, day after day, I could feel my confidence evaporating.

There was one word we were thinking but were too afraid to say out loud: colic. I don’t know how colic feels for the baby; however, I can say with certainty that colic is every mother’s worst fears played out every day.  Colic is living in the land of, “Seriously, WTF?”.  Colic is wanting to punch everyone and being able to punch no one.  Colic is believing with your once rational mind that this child is never going to sleep again.  Colic is doing tribal dances in your basement at 2 am, trying to jiggle the baby to sleep.  Colic is constant guilt, especially when a commercial for Sick Kids Hospital comes on.  Most of all, colic is the devastating feeling that you are failing your child.

One night as I rocked Ellie to sleep yet again, I wondered how I had gotten to such a low point when I had started out so confidently.  After several weeks of long days and dark nights I knew I was living on my last frayed nerve.  I felt like I was neglecting Abby since I was constantly tending the baby.  When I did spend time with Abby I could feel how short my temper was, and I was quite concerned that I was being too impatient with her.  These were my babies, the most important people in my world, and I knew I wasn’t handling this challenge well.  From deep within my heart I heard the voice of God tell me, “Beautiful gardens require hard work.  Weeds don’t."

I’d like to say that from that point things got immediately better, but that isn’t how these things work.  However, as Ellie approaches the three month mark I feel like we are finally starting to have a more “normal” day to day rhythm.  Abby is still a helpful, lovely little girl; I am fully aware of how extremely blessed I have been in her transition to big sister.  Baby Ellie is proving to be a very social little baby, being the happiest when she has someone’s attention in conversation.  Every day is a mystery, but I have done my best to help Ellie follow Abby’s established routine since the schedule helps with her sense of security.  

There are a lot of skills a first time mother gains that are put to work when the second child arrives but there are also skills that have to be learned that are different for every family.  I have learned to use YouTube playlists as a tool.  I have learned to accept help from those who really strive to be helpful.  I have tried to involve Abby in caring for her little sister, and can see how an older child can entertain the younger, especially when “teaching” how to play.  

Every new baby comes with his or her own set of joys and challenges.  The experience of raising little ones teaches parents many things.  My biggest lesson in welcoming our Ellie is that a good parent will try to do everything right, but a great parent will try to do everything in love.”  

Megan Hunt 

You might also like:

• Collaborative Post: On the Family Piano.
• A Little Shoutout to my Man Tonight. 
• Behind the Scenes: Christmas Card Fiasco.