Back in October, I met a young woman with young children about two years apart. Naturally we struck up a conversation about our children, but it quickly became quite deep and philosophical. And one statement she made hit home with me. She said that having her second child made her feel like "more of a mother." I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, and while intrigued, we haven't had the opportunity to pursue the conversation since.
But when Magdalene was born, this thought of being "more of a mother" lingered in my mind. Being a mother to Gabriel stretched me. But being a mother of two, definitely stretches me more. When Gabriel was born, life changed for us. And yet, seemingly, he fit so seamlessly into our lives. It felt like the most natural thing I could ever have done. I wore him everywhere I went and we took him to more places and on more airplanes than I have been on in my entire life. He was up for adventure and so were we.
But being a mother of two is grounding me. It requires so much more wisdom, energy, creativity, organization, patience, love and time. There are days when I beg for more of all of these things and I have to dig deep. I make mistakes, and beat myself up over them. I end up in a sobbing heap on the stairs thinking, "This is soooo hard." And other days, I wonder where the surplus comes from.
These days, we are consumed with our children, the feedings, meals, playtime, teaching them, cuddling and bathing, all the while, trying not to get caught up in microscopic complexities of day to day life and keeping the bigger picture in mind. We are nurturing them and helping them to be curious, independent, responsible, honest, loyal, compassionate human beings--to be the best of themselves they can be. No small feat. These days, rather than two littles 'fitting into OUR lives,' THEY are our life. And a beautiful, remarkably challenging and deeply rewarding life at that. Maybe that's what my friend meant about being more of a mama. It forces you to grow and stretch and make more you--enough for all your littles. And then completely shake your world.
Why, hello there. Is that a little smile I see poking through the crib?
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Lovely photos! This must have been right after we left. I also felt like "more of a mother" when Eleanor was born. I'm still learning to juggle, and the shapes keep changing on me!
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