A Smile.

I feel like we are finally coming through the other side of a white squall--that really blustery confusing post-brand-new-newborn period, when you can't see a foot in front of you and everything is hazy and blurry. You wonder how, on such little amount of sleep, you will ever make it to the other side, how you will keep your wits about you, if you still have them at all.

These days I am finding that when, miracle upon miracles, both littles konk out at the same time (a brief period we call "mama bliss") that the most productive thing I can do is fall into bed myself--no matter the state of affairs.  I have been known to leave shoes scattering the stairs, half-eaten lunch on the table, sink full of dishes and various bric-a-brac all over the house.  And for me, that is a serious show of personal growth.  (Self high-five!)  But lately I've realized that I am my best self and the best mama to these two when I have had some sleep. Just a little bit. Whenever I can.  Because when the two are crying at the same time, I can feel myself fly into panic mode and when exhaustion is at play, it's hard to see clearly through the blizzard of emotions without adding my own to the mix.

Somewhere amidst the flurry of sleepless nights, and hours spent rocking, Magdalene has gotten bigger and more wide awake. And she's started to smile--a bubbly, beautiful gummy grin that comes with a joyful little kick of her feet, a coo and a little squeal of delight.  It's the kind of pure joy that simply contagious.  The kind that makes this foggy, groggy stage that we are in all worth it.

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Family Day Weekend.

Happy Family Day Weekend!

So happy to have an extended weekend with my family.  Even though my husband ended up having to work the Saturday, we still made the most of our time together.  My sister flew in just for the weekend and brightened up our house with her joyful, energetic presence.  She took Gabriel out on his new bike that he got for his birthday and they dove into snowbanks yelling "Wiiiiippppeee-out!!!" and had bum races down the stairs.  They tore around the house with Gabriel on a blanket hanging on for dear life and played hockey in the kitchen, or livingroom or front entry.  Sometimes, she just has the energy of a little kid and it's adorable.  It makes me feel like I'm not nearly as much fun as she is.  I don't wear ski pants and dive into snowbanks.  Mostly I'm pushing the baby around in the stroller, coaxing Gabriel to keep going so I can get home to make supper, but I guess that's the luxury and novelty of having an auntie come and visit. 

We had several lovely dinners together and Jordan took Gabriel skating a couple of times and skiing.  He's like a big kid too.  He comes home from work and can't wait to get Gabriel in his snowsuit and go play outside.  He doesn't say this but it's like he's been waiting all day (while working) to get home and have some real fun.

These days are a paradox of joyous frustrations--moments of elation, exhaustion, tears and cuddles. I'm thankful for these beautiful little creatures who sometimes baffle my mind, but mostly make me feel like my heart is just going to explode.

Photo credit:  My lovely sister Angela. 

And thank you lovely sister for flying all the way here just to spend a weekend with us.  We love you!

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Homemade Hockey Sticks and Indoor Rinks.

Last night, after supper and working all day, Jordan asked Gabriel if he wanted to go skating.  His reaction was priceless.  He literally vibrated in his chair, his eyes bugged out of his head and threw his hands and feet up in the air in involuntary excitement.  "SKATING!!!!!" he shouted.  He nearly knocked over his high chair.

You must know one thing about Gabriel.  He is obsessed with skating these days.  Ever since that one day we took him to the rink by CN Tower, it's been nonstop skating on his mind.  He sees hockey everywhere he goes--on cereal boxes, on posters and signs, the Olympics, in his books.  A friendgot Gabriel a Robert Munsch book with a story about hockey in it and Gabriel wants us to read it to him no less than three times a day.  And there are days he's wanted to wear his helmet around the house in anticipation of putting on a pair of skates.

Lately, he has been so obsessed that the roll of wrapping paper that was once his "vacuum" wand has transformed into a hockey stick.  He deeks around the house batting a squishy rubber ball with the taped up roll of wrapping paper in the most serious and focused hockey poses--legs spread far apart, a slight squat as if preparing to shoot a goal.  No joke.  This kid has skills.

The other night when he randomly woke up for several hours in the middle of the night and managed to escape his room, it was the "hockey stick" he brought back to his room.  And I am not entirely sure how it happened (neither Jordan or I were really coherent during those four hours in the middle of the night) but when I went to wake him up in the morning, I found him passed out in his bed with that roll of wrapping paper tucked under his arm.

Here's just a little video clip of his first steps (on his own!) on the skating rink:

And a picture from his first real hockey game in Toronto:

So...  looks like we might have some early mornings at the local arena in our futures.  Or at least a few hockey games to attend.

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Happy Heart Day!

 Happy Heart Day!

We had a pretty good Valentine's Day.... It started off a little shakey when Jordan and I, bleary-eyed from serious lack of sleep last night, hugged and said good-bye in the morning.  But the day perked up, friends came over for a little Valentine's day playdate party, my sister showed up and we sat down, all of us, for a beautiful dinner together in the evening.  And now, both kids are in bed and we are flopped on the sofa reflecting on the day.   We have to agree it was pretty good.

We had a little Valentine's Day playdate with some mama friends with littles that go to our church.  I have met some really wonderful women there and am so very glad to be connecting over our children.  So looking forward to more playdates with these kiddos.  They are so adorable.  I made some red velvet cupcakes and got some cookies from our favorite little bakery, Cordi's and our friends brought various things.  I got out my grandmother's old tea cups and sipped tea while our children ripped around the house, bouncing up and down creating their impromptu band.

 These two hit it off!  Pretty sure they are going to be really great friends as they get older.

 Seriously, very very good cookies.  And beautiful!

These kiddos made their own impromptu airband--Roman on the drums, Olivia the lead singer and Gabriel on guitar.  They were hilarious!!  So glad I got a video.

We made our valentine's cards this year and Gabriel made one for his dad and drew a picture of an airplane for him. 

My sister showed up for the weekend and we are delighted!  You might remember I wrote a little blog about her here. She just swooped Gabriel up in her arms, spoiled him with treats and has been playing with him nonstop.  She took him outside in his snowsuit with his new bike that we got him for his birthday.  And then they got out the rolls of wrapping paper (make-shift hockey sticks) to play a game of hockey in the livingroom.  Gabriel is really into skating and hockey these days--maybe some influence from watching the Olympics.  

 

I love this man so very much.   Thank you for coming home every day, not knowing what disaster you are walking into.  He must think "I've been working ALL day."  But he keeps on going--playing with Gabriel, cleaning up the mess from the day, reading stories, doing bathtime, walking the dog, grocery shopping, holding Madgalene so I can catch a shower and listening to the run down from our day.  I mean, how does he do it all?  I am such a lucky woman.  Really.

And just a little picture of Magdalene's pouty lip.  We know where she got that from. 

Happy Valentine's Day!  Hope yours was beautiful.  And that you were able to spend it with the ones you love. 

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It's been a month?

Ummmm.... so it's been a month?  Magdalene, you are a MONTH old.  How did that happen so fast?  I guess time flies when you are in love.

And what a month it's been.  I've oscillated between feeling like a complete champ of a mother to feeling like I have never been a mother before.  Seriously.  And I guess in some ways it's true.  I've never been a mother to Magdalene before and so we are learning all about each other.  And she is learning how this big world works--how to sleep and eat and just simply exist.  I think I've likely spent just as much time scouring the internet on my iPhone, looking up 'techniques' in my baby whisperer book and brainstorming with friends via Facebook chat as I did with Gabriel.  All I can say is "Team Mama!!" And what a great team of mamas I have out there.  What would we do without each other???  Can you believe that our mothers basically did it alone?  There weren't the same books.  Iphones.  Facebook chat.  There were visits and telephone calls, to be sure.  But not at 2:00 in the morning!  When our desperate mama brains are completely tapped out and our arms are aching.  There is just so much support out there for mamas.  Thank goodness.

Anyway, that's besides the point.  Magdalene, you are beautiful and I love you.  You confuse the heck out of me sometimes, but I think that's your job as a newborn.  You are just the sweetest, most docile little creature and those brief moments in time when you open your eyes and look up at me, I am lost.  Is every month going to fly by like this and soon I'll be holding a one year old?

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Being "More" of a Mama.

 
Back in October, I met a young woman with young children about two years apart.  Naturally we struck up a conversation about our children, but it quickly became quite deep and philosophical.  And one statement she made hit home with me.  She said that having her second child made her feel like "more of a mother."  I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, and while intrigued, we haven't had the opportunity to pursue the conversation since.

But when Magdalene was born, this thought of being "more of a mother" lingered in my mind.  Being a mother to Gabriel stretched me.  But being a mother of two, definitely stretches me more. When Gabriel was born, life changed for us.  And yet, seemingly, he fit so seamlessly into our lives.  It felt like the most natural thing I could ever have done.  I wore him everywhere I went and we took him to more places and on more airplanes than I have been on in my entire life.  He was up for adventure and so were we. 

But being a mother of two is grounding me.  It requires so much more wisdom, energy, creativity, organization, patience, love and time.  There are days when I beg for more of all of these things and I have to dig deep.  I make mistakes, and beat myself up over them.  I end up in a sobbing heap on the stairs thinking, "This is soooo hard."  And other days, I wonder where the surplus comes from.

These days, we are consumed with our children, the feedings, meals, playtime, teaching them, cuddling and bathing, all the while, trying not to get caught up in microscopic complexities of day to day life and keeping the bigger picture in mind.  We are nurturing them and helping them to be curious, independent, responsible, honest, loyal, compassionate human beings--to be the best of themselves they can be.  No small feat.  These days, rather than two littles 'fitting into OUR lives,' THEY are our life.  And a beautiful, remarkably challenging and deeply rewarding life at that.  Maybe that's what my friend meant about being more of a mama.  It forces you to grow and stretch and make more you--enough for all your littles.  And then completely shake your world.

 Why, hello there.  Is that a little smile I see poking through the crib?

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Little Artist.

The past couple of days have been really, really hard for me.  I think the long hours of parenting a toddler with a newborn, some hectic evenings and unpredictability are starting to wear on me.  I feel like I am probably not the best Stephanie right now.  And maybe it's because I am trying to do too much?  But honestly, I feel like getting out of the house keeps us sane these days and provides a good routine to the day.

Anyway, today we decided to stay home and just be ok with being in our house and not going anywhere in particular.  But it means that I had to get a little creative.  While the baby slept, I hauled out some big white sheets of paper and taped them to the bathtub walls and spread out some paints on a little make-shift easel and handed Gabriel some paint brushes.  I got this suggestion from my childhood friend, Dianne, who's husband is often away with the army leaving her as a solo parent for months on end.  She has to get creative too.  

So with Temper Trap playing (my go-to music for making my own art), we created a little masterpiece together.  Mostly Gabriel, but I started him off.  He painted a lot of "airplanes" and altogether had a lot of fun.  And the best thing about painting in the bathtub is that no matter where the paint goes, it can all wash off easily afterwards.

 Does this kid have killer eyelashes or what?  I have to admit I am a bit jealous!

 We finally found a good use for this 'bib' which apparently is not cool for eating but makes a great painting smock.

And afterwards, we had to clean up and so Gabriel got a bath out of the whole deal and I took out the bath crayons and let me go to it. 

I am pretty sure that all great artists would have had their start in a bathtub with bathtub crayons if they existed once upon a time.  There is just something to handing over some freedom and giving them an outlet for creativity, I think.

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