The other day, in an effort to get out of the house with my mamas group, I posted a meeting at a local park. "It's supposed to be 23 degrees!!" I mean, it's possible for weather to jump 10 or more degrees overnight, given the weather this year, right? Wow! It's supposed to go up all week, 23, 24, 25, 26! Holy Smokes. Amazing! Ya....
Clearly I have mama-brain: A condition where sleep deprivation and lack of adequate sophisticated mental stimulation causes the wires to cross in your brain creating lapses in memory, lack of judgment and ability to communicate clearly. The temperature wasn't going up in Toronto according to the Weather Network. It was the date. April 23rd.
The next day, at 7pm while bathing Magdalene, I discovered I was missing an earring. My favorite earrings. The beautiful funky ones that my mother-in-law gave me from that fantastic Montreal artist. I almost cried big fat tears. Until I realized that I had only put ONE on in the morning. And didn't notice all. day.
Sometimes I find myself in mid-conversation forgetting what I was talking about WHILE the words are coming out of my mouth. I'm so brain-fried that my eyes glaze over, not when others are talking. When I'm talking.
I've given up talking about politics, current events and art. I don't know what is happening in the world. All I listen to is Raffi or Bullfrogs and Butterflies blaring over my meager attempts to educate myself via CBC Radio. The truth is, if I can listen to the radio, it's too quiet. And something sneaky is likely happening in the other room. My conversations, if I can even call them that, revolve around obsessions of sleep and bodily functions. I can't be assured that the grammar on this blog post is even correct, despite my past life as an English teacher. And I can't find anything in this house. Especially my cell phone, or keys or the baby monitor.
I don't remember having "mama-brain" with my first when he was born. I think life was peachy and I was well-rested. That's what I tell myself. But now that there are two of them and I have mama-brain, I can't be assured of the truth. That's what mama-brain does to you. It makes you forget everything. All the time. But sometimes that's a good thing.
Someday I'll be one of those women who will say "This too shall pass... And then your children will grow up and leave you." Because I'll have forgotten how hard and exhausting being a mother of young children was. But that's the blessing of mama-brain.
So if I don't recognize you or forget something important or seem scattered... aloof... lost... ?? Please forgive me. And call the number listed on the inside of my coat.
And just for good measure, here is a photo of my little baby-wearing boy. While I am an exhausted, he makes me so proud it hurts.
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