Goodbye Ocean. Goodbye Friends.

As we enter our final stages of preparations to leave our beloved home, the reality of it is not quite hitting me.  Yesterday we went down to our favorite Squamish spot--Nexen Beach to say goodbye to the ocean for a little while.  (Being in Toronto means we will be a bit land-locked).  And our final wave goodbye was met with a sigh and a little sink of my heart and Jordan's too.

The hazy, ethereal overexposed nature of some of the photos my husband captured today are a bit reflective of the process we are going through in leaving here--surreal.  Despite boxes and endless goodbyes (the visits that end with "we'll see each other ONE more time before you go.") and the flutter of anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I still feel a bit in denial, like I am in a fog of unreality as if my head and my body are not connected.  The thought that surely this cannot be us moving from our home across the country and leaving our life and friends here behind?!

I'm not naive.  The next couple of months will certainly be tough, I'm sure and I will most definitely miss not only the beauty of this place and our little home but the closeness with which I have come to some pretty amazing people.   But I have hope--the belief that this is the best choice for our family, the assurance of adventures, of new and renewed friendships, and the hope that at the very least we will return for a visit one day.  In the meantime, our friends, you know you will, as always, have a place in our home should you come to visit--that will never change. 

Goodbye ocean.  Goodbye friends.

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What happened to the roses?

It seems like these days I've been running around in a frenzy, racing time with an endless list in hand.  I've gotten absorbed in all the stresses of our lives these days--and who wouldn't?!  A distant memory are the days, it seems, when we would meander down a path without intention, without a time frame, without a sense of urgency.

Lately, amidst packing, dealing with minor crises (more on that later), cleaning for showings, visiting with friends to say good-bye, dog walks and doctors appointments, we have stopped stopping.  I've become irritated with myself--my lack of time for anything, my constant obsessive connection to my iPhone or laptop, my short temper.  I have so little patience for the dog howling, food being thrown, diaper tantrums, and my own inadequacies. 

I miss pausing.  Savoring.  

Today, Gabriel and I hopped on the bike, (it was the 4th time he'd asked today--it's a new word) and biked over to the Nest Restaurant by our house.  I put my phone away and I focused on Gabriel, just him and nothing else.  I'm pretty sure it's the first time in a little while since I've done this--focused and sustained.  How does this happen?!?!  And we played cars and made playdoh mountains.  We ordered a salad.  We ordered handmade cannelloni.  And we talked.  We made empathetic eating sighs.  We savored textures and tastes and colours.  We ate with forks.  And not one piece of food hit the ground.  Not. One.  And we shared a spinach salad and by that I mean Gabriel actually ate half the spinach.  And because everything went so well, we ordered dessert.  And I didn't look at the time or my phone.  I didn't visit and chat with anyone else.  I did nothing else but be in the moment and enjoyed every minute.  And so did he.  I could tell.

I think we'll make this a ritual.  A "date" with my boy.  Smelling the roses.

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Good-bye (Almost) Squamish BBQ!

This weekend we had a little farewell barbeque at our house--hosting the many friends and coworkers we have gotten to know so well and have become very close with over the years that we've been here.  It makes me infinitely sad to leave such beautiful souls behind....  And I am already working out plans in my head for return visits in the future.  So none of you are allowed to move ok!?!!??  Unless it's to Ontario!  

It was pretty great having so many close friends all in one place and having our barefooted kids run around, plopping themselves down in several available laps to sneak slices of watermelon and other delicious tidbits.   And we were lucky that the rain and clouds cleared up enough that we could enjoy being outside in the yard where the little ones could push trucks and fly down the slide. 

   

 Our "chefs" for the evening!! xo

Thank you to my chefs extraordinare (Amy, Harrison and Stephen) who slaved over the BBQ, to the many people who brought dishes of food and to Marion, who cooked, served, cleaned, watched Gabriel and took most of these fabulous photos--capturing our evening.  

How blessed we feel to have had such supportive family and friends in our lives.  Leaving here is bittersweet--parting with our friends for life together in Toronto.  Oh, how we will miss this place!  But we look forward to your visits to our home in Toronto and to the many pictures exchanged, emails, texts, phone calls and skype dates we plan on having.  Our littles are going to grow up so fast and I don't want to miss that!

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And it's a......

 It's a girl!!!

Thanks Marion for all the beautiful photos!!

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Baby Boy or Girl?

I have a confession to make.  I hate surprises.  Well, I love them so long as I don't know they are coming, but the anxiety around surprises, where the outcome is unexpected, well, I'm just buzzing beyond what my heart can handle.

I blame a book I used to read in the dark, dimly lit upstairs bedroom at my grandparents--the one with the creaky floors, slanted ceilings, a tiny window and mysterious wallpaper.  The bedroom where I was supposed to be sleeping, but sat with the dim little lamp on reading my mother's old storybooks, hoping not to get caught for... gasp! reading! 

The story was a book about a mysterious box that arrives by post with a tag stating NOT to open it.  There is a lot of speculation about what could be in the box, friends surround to guess.... dreams and nightmares ensue.  The unfortunate ending is that you NEVER FIND OUT "WHAT'S IN THE BOX!"  It was made all the more creepy by the associations I made with the room I was reading it in and the time of day.  (In fact, I think all of those old storybooks I found in that room a little creepy, but they likely weren't!)

I think this book semi-traumatized me into anxiety around all sorts of surprises.  So much so that around Christmas as a kid, I would try to find hidden Christmas presents.  And once, I even opened up the corner of a Christmas present just so I could have a peek! 

But, before Gabriel was born, we decided not to find out.  Surprisingly, the anticipation of WHAT Gabriel would be didn't kill me.  But this time, I just couldn't wait!!!  Today we found out.  But for now, we'll leave you wondering.  What's is it?!?!?  Aren't you curious?  Don't you want to know?

Is it a boy?  Or is it a girl?

Grandma is here and there are plenty of giggles!

http://youtu.be/YMJZA37R6Ak

The Newest Baby on the Block

We spent yesterday afternoon with Gabriel's bestie, Eli and his newest little baby brother Koa.  And I finally got to hold this little man.  He is so delicate and sweet and content....  My gosh, I've completely forgotten how to hold little babies and for some reason I felt a little nervous that I would do it all wrong!  Isn't it strange that when it's your own child, you never feel that way?  At least I don't remember feeling that way with Gabriel.

It was so lovely to hold this precious little one on my lap all afternoon while he slept and the boys played in the little tot pool, watered the gardens with their little buckets, ate popsicles and gobbled watermelon.  I just can't believe that in less than five months, I'll be holding another little one of my own while navigating the world of having "two under two."  The boys were great but I got just a small taste of how tricky it is going to be holding and nursing a newborn while Gabriel runs around.  I'll be looking for advice in the future (I'll ask you in January).  For now, I chose blissful ignorance. 

Gabriel was ever so sweet with Koa--he didn't want to stop kissing him on his little head.  He must have given him at least 10 kisses and wanted to 'pet' his head very gently with his sticky watermelon/popsicle hands.  I only wish I had been able to capture a photograph but I was too busy making sure that the thing went down gently.  When Koa stirred and started to fuss for milk, Gabriel looked very distraught, sticking his fingers in his mouth and looking very worriedly between Koa's mom, Tina and I.  Who was going to do something to help this baby??  This put my mind at ease.  I think Gabriel's intuition on babies is starting to kick in.  He knows there is something very special and very cautious about newborns.  He might just end up being the sweetest big brother a baby could ask for!

Welcome to the block, little Koa.  I'm such a happy woman that I got to meet you little man! 
 

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A Recipe for Rhubarb Punch!

Rhubarb Punch!

This recipe has been in the family for quite awhile, with a few variations.  Here is the one I use most frequently and it's wonderful for things like baby showers where most people are either pregnant, trying to get pregnant or nursing.  Ok, not everyone, but enough to make it worth making something delicious that everyone can enjoy!  I've only made it a few times, but the bowl always gets drained and friends text me for the recipe.  It's pretty simple, really but takes a little time to stew and then cool the rhubarb juice.  I'd do that a day ahead if I were you...

8 cups of chopped rhubarb
8 cups of water
1/4 cup of sugar (give or take - I don't really actually measure it...)
2 L of ginger ale
500 mL of raspberry sorbet

1. In a large soup pot boil the rhubarb in water until soft and mushy.  Pour through a strainer and try to get all of the rhubarb juice out.  Save the juice and throw out the mushy rhubarb or save for another use, like homemade rhubarb spread (but only if you add sugar--very, very tart!)
2. Add approximately 1/4 cup of sugar to sweeten. (Can be more or less, but don't forget you'll be adding sorbet and ginger ale so don't overdo it.  Cool overnight or in the freezer for a couple of hours.
3. When ready to serve, add ginger ale and sorbet and if still too tart add more sugar.

Serve! It's been a party favorite for years!

xo

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Baby shower for Jackie, Mama-to-be!

There is just something about throwing a good party for a great friend and having people over that just makes me feel complete.  And so even in the midst of we-are-almost-moving chaos, my dear friend Jackie's baby is shortly on the way, so we just had to throw her a shower!!

 Jackie, the mama-to-be!

My friend Sara and I co-hosted a party at our place, had fun planning and decorating for it.  (Have to admit that I really, really love this stuff; maybe I should have been a party/wedding planner in another life). 

The day was beautiful and we got to see many many of our friends and a few of hers that I hadn't met yet.  Everyone brought food and it was delicious and we all wrote down wonderful things about "How we know Jackie will be a great mother" because we know in fact that she will be--the queen of homemade (pies, cookies, jam, quilts), adventurer (biking, climbing, hiking, kayaking), organized planner, an advocate, no-nonsense and mind-your-manners mama, and a caring, compassionate, loyal and involved friend.   

Jackie looked beautiful.  We cannot wait to meet her little baby boy and see her as a mama!!!  I mean, what is better than experiencing new life?!  I only wish I could be here to see her little one.  Thank goodness for skype until I someday meet this little bundle.

Ps.  A few friends asked for the Rhubarb punch recipe.  And here it is right here!


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