The door clicks shuts and the engine starts as husband pulls out of the driveway. I hold my little guy and sigh. Another two weeks. And I wonder how we are going to survive--the missing Jordan part, the cooking, the cleaning, the dogwalks, playdates, house showings, laundry, the ups and downs of pregnancy--you know, the basics. Already, I feel mentally and physically exhausted. I want to cry but instead we go and play outside.
When husband is home, he's 150% on. He takes care of me, plays with Gabriel, walks the dog and cleans the house. I couldn't have asked for a more considerate husband and caring father for our little man. Whenever he's here, I just feel a huge weight come off my shoulders and suddenly the world seems a whole lot brighter. Perhaps you remember a little shout out I gave
here earlier this year.
As hard as missing my husband while he is away, being pregnant, trying to keep our house meticulously clean for house-showings, having a toddler and a dog and trying to move across the country has been, there have been interesting insights along the way. When Jordan can't be here, Gabriel and I have learned to be a team. I keep hearing the advice that you just have to "let everything go/lean into the chaos" and just focus on your child. But in our situation, it's just not really possible to "let it all go." The truth of the matter is that we run out of clothes to wear, and dishes to eat off of, the fridge gets empty and the dog MUST be walked. So while there may be toys scattered everywhere for days on end and I can never find Gabriel's shoes, and generally I'm ok with that, there is a certain amount of stuff that needs to get done. And so we've found ways to make it work.
My number one helper, is my little G-man. I think I just may have totally lucked out because Gabriel has a great affinity for all things mechanical and anything that makes noise. So, naturally, he loves the whir of the dishwasher, the singsongy sound of the washing machine and dryer and the hum of the vacuum (along with the blender, food processors and my blow-dryer....) I think that's how it started--Gabriel getting involved. Because I actually can't get Gabriel to "go play." Instead he wants to be in the thick of things. And so we've found ways to balance the chores and play. Gabriel helps load and unload and turn on the washer and dryer. He wants to load and unload the dishwasher (the safe things) and today, he even helped push around the vacuum. His initiative--he took it out and wanted to plug it in, so we went with it. And so for us, doing all of these things is actually pretty entertaining, because we get to do it together and he loves the responsibility. And this kid isn't even two yet!
Yes, there are really really really hard days when I miss Jordan terribly (ok, maybe that's every day), and often I find the
laundry I've just folded strewn across the house. And I almost always have
to wrestle Gabriel into his car seat (about four times a day) amid a flood of tears and wailing,
but I'm trying very hard not to let those moments get me down. (By the way, if
anyone has some really creative and effective ideas on car seat battles,
I'd be eternally grateful for your tips).
For now, I partly jest in saying "Who says you can't have a clean house AND play with your child?" I mean, so long as your child considers cleaning to be playing, why not?! Right? It'll be a sad day for me when Gabriel realizes the truth.... But for now, he's my #1 Handyman. And we are making the best of it. AND the countdown to Toronto is on!
I would just like to mention we have come a LONG way from "
Hurricane Gabriel" and I think part of it, is going with the flow. If you can't stop your child from getting in the way, get them involved. It's where they want to be anyway.
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